Food

Meximelts at home….Screw you Taco Bell

I’m just joking Taco Bell, you know I love you!

“Now I know why poor people are fat. Have you been to Taco Bell?”
-Kathleen Madigan

My favorite comedian and she’s so right. When I was at my fattest and happiest I lived for Taco Bell…..and Burger King, and Chik-fil-A and Dennys, I could go on but Taco Bell was my all time favorite. Still is. When I return to Ohio for a little vacation it’s one of my “spots” I have to visit.

When I was growing up my oldest brother Rick introduced the family to Meximelt’s at Taco Bell. These little soft warm cheese pockets from heaven changed my life. Just when I thought I couldn’t get fatter, I couldn’t be more wrong. Meximelt’s became my new best friend. They are so delicious, soft, warm and they are loaded with cheese. Like, a lot of cheese, that is melted so perfectly. When I saw the girl making the Meximelt in what appeared to be some sort of Star Wars like contraption with these red and green lights. The girl laid the Meximelt on a tray and slid it into the machine as if the Meximelt was meeting it’s fate. When the girl hit the button, it made this gushing sound and all this steam came rushing out of the sides of the door. A couple seconds later she pulled the Meximelt from the machine and it was a soft, cheese filled envelope delivered to me from Taco Bell, with love.

I’ve told you how much my family loves to eat right? So you’ll totally get this. One day my Mom and I had been out and about and we stopped at Taco Bell for lunch. Of course, we ordered the Meximelt’s among numerous other things. It’s Taco Bell, it’s kinda like a buffet that you have to order from. Don’t judge. Anyway, we took our seats and made our way through our bag of Mexican goodness when we came across the Meximelt. Meximelt’s were to be eaten last. Always eat your Taco Bell in order of importance, save the best for last. When we opened the Taco Bell gift wrapping paper on our Meximelt’s these things were the size of burritos. My Mom and I slowly raising our heads with a look of Aww and excitement. Because we knew. Meximelt’s were only 89 cents, they weren’t big. My Mom smiled with a sense of pride as if the girl making them were her own daughter and remarked “I told you! Fat people know how to eat!” The girl making them was quite large, she really was.

We finished our Meximelt’s and sat back in the booth full to the gills and so damn happy. After a couple minutes of letting our Meximelt’s digest my Mom turned and reached into her purse and pulled out a twenty dollar bill. She placed the twenty on the table and slid it across to me like she was making some kind of shady deal.
“You get up there and order twenty bucks worth of Meximelt’s and you be sure to tell them you want the fat girl to make em.”

I guess you can see now why my Mom is my favorite person in the whole wide world.

Making Meximelts at home, what you’ll need….

1. Get everything ready. Fry up your hamburger with your favorite taco seasoning. My favorite is the Frontera line of seasonings in a bag. Haven’t had anything bad from this guy yet.
2. Salsa, small tortillas (you can go with large tortillas, absolutely) and tons of cheese.
3. A cheap $20 steamer from Bed Bath and Beyond. I love this place and is it true they did away with the 20% coupon, because I haven’t gotten on in a while??
4. Any Pepsi product as a side. Pepsi doesn’t pay me a dime for saying this I’m just in love with Pepsi and they don’t love me back just like everyone else. I’m used to it and I’m a stalker so I don’t stop without a court order.
5. Put a spoon full of hamburger on your tortilla, a spoon full of salsa and load with cheese. It should be mostly cheese.  (In my photos I did not place the salsa in my Meximelts because my Assistant Gilberto hates onions).  This is why his salary is not what it could be.  His fault.
6. Have your steamer fired up and ready to go. Steam to make sure the cheese is all melty and good. Then go around the tortilla to soften and warm it up so you can close it like an envelope.
7. Serve, eat and be happy.

“If more of us valued food and song and cheer above hoarded gold,
it would be a merrier world.”
-J. R. R. Tolkien

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