Miscellany

Digging for Gold

You see a lot and I mean a lot of people picking their noses in New York.  Most people would be turned off by this.  I find it the utmost entertaining, way more than I should.  

We all pick our noses.  Don’t deny it.  Whether it’s a quick pick and a grab to get something that’s bothering us or a full on digging in there for gold.  Winters coming and the air will be dryer.  You know you’re going to have big dried up rocks in your nose.  You’ll pick em.  I will too.  We’re human.  We do sick shit.

Like most humans though we do this at home.  In private.  You probably won’t even do it front of your partner.  If you feel ashamed or embarrassed and are in denial.  Well then my friend, come to New York.

Since I’ve been in New York the amount of nose pickers I’ve seen has fascinated me.  They are everywhere and they have no shame.  You have your random quick pick to get something annoying.  The guy who picks, looks, rolls it in his fingers, flicks it and on with his day.  But my favorite are the ones who go for the gold.  Like they are on a mission.

When I first moved to New York, I used to take the 1 train home from work when I lived in the Bronx.  If you’re ever in New York, the 1 train makes for great people watching, just so you know.  One night on my way home from work, there was a guy sitting, reading his book and just going to town picking his nose.  Occasionally he would take a look and wipe his fingers dry on his shirt.  This was a bit of a shock for me, considering I had just moved here.  I was looking around to see if anyone else was witnessing this.  As typical New Yorker’s.  No one gave a shit.

Last week I saw a girl picking her nose.  This was a new one for me as I’ve only seen dudes picking their noses.  She was sitting directly across from me.  When I looked up to find her finger halfway in her nose and a dead eye lock on me.  This is where I tell you New York nose pickers have no shame.  She dead stared at me with that look like my older brother used to give me like, “When I find something… I’m wiping it on you.”  We locked eyes for so long that I couldn’t contain myself.  I got this huge grin across my face and started giggling with my look and a nod that says, “You know I can see you, right?”  Nothing.  Didn’t phase her in the least.  She was committed and she was going for the gold.

My all time favorite was a couple of years ago.  I was heading home from work late at night on a reasonably crowded train.  There was a young guy sitting across from me.  Professional looking, dressed nice, good looking guy reading his book.  When all of a sudden this guy starts digging.  The best part was that whatever he found, he would stick his fingers in his mouth and savor it.  This guy sucked on his fingers and made a lip smacking sound like he had just had the best ribs of his life.

It gets better.  The even better part was that there was a guy sitting next to him with his jaw hanging open in disgust.  When he turned to shake his head in disbelief, he met me with a big smile on my face.  He smiled back and gave out a chuckle.  Me laughing, “Fucked up, huh?” I said.

For some reason that comment freaked the guy out, like it offended him somehow and he jumped up and started walking to the other end of the train.  I put my hands up and sadly said, “Where you going?”  We shared a moment.  A hilarious moment.  We had a connection.  I thought I had a new friend.

This is why New York is the greatest city on Earth.  You can get it all, see it all and do it all and no one will give two shits.  Be-you-tiful!!

“Always be thinking about what you must do – Not what you’d like to do”