Food

Almond Rum Bread and Driving Like an Old Man

This bread came from a goof. Not really a goof but more of a, I bought the wrong product, didn’t know what to do with it, refuse to throw it away, read the ingredients and said, “I could make this like a nice almond bread.”

It didn’t become just a nice almond bread. It became a damn good almond bread. My assistant and I ate the hell out of it.

We ate it with fresh plums and peaches with a slather of white chocolate orange butter. Lord in heaven. Breathe taking.

You could make a warm blueberry compote or slather some jam on it in the morning with a cup of coffee. It’s at its best when first comes out of the oven and still warm.

My assistant and I have been traveling more often lately. I’ve noticed that the passing lane, that’s the left lane right? That’s what I was always taught and abided by. Well, that now is the cruising, taking your time, slowing down traffic, fuck off, go around me lane. That’s new to me.

Another thing I noticed is that people drive like cats. One minute you pass them and then 10 minutes later, they get this sudden urge to be somewhere in a hurry and here they come like a cat. Zoom!!! Twenty minutes later. You pass them again. And this goes on and on until you get to Florida.

Since living in New York and not owning a car. I don’t drive as often. Which really isn’t a bad thing, until you get in a car. Technology, especially when you’re old, moves at a rapid pace.

It seems like every time I rent a car, it’s new. Well, new to me. I’m like Oma trying to work the new microwave. I hear bells and dings and I get all nervous and wonder what the hell is going on. Thinking something is going to explode.

I drove half way through Pennsylvania in the middle of the night before I realized I didn’t have my lights on. I thought those came automatically now?

Last week we went upstate for apple picking which we all know really means we got cider donuts.

When we hopped in the car it sounded awful. It had no pick up, it rumbled, the rpm’s where going way up to 8 and I thought for sure it was going to explode.

Turns out I was in the wrong gear. I was in the M gear. They didn’t have M gears when I had my car. My only guess is that M stands for Mistake.

Lastly, I drive like an old person because, well I am old and also people are nuts.

Seriously, they scare me. Whenever I’m on the road and I see someone doing something frightening. I like to reach for my coffee and lean over to my assistant and say, “Look at this asshole”.

Road rage is a serious thing folks. People snap so easily. I don’t fuck with people on the road like I used too. Maybe if junior got his ass whoopin at home when he deserved it, people wouldn’t want to kill strangers. That’s just my thinking.

You know what doesn’t make people angry? Good old fashion homemade almond bread.

Was that a killer segway or what?

Classically made delicious baked goods never go out of style. Unless you’re one of those keto assholes.

The nights are getting chilly and the days shorter. Snuggle in with some warm almond cake and a nice cup of whatever makes you happy. Cocoa, coffee, tea, whiskey and enjoy.

…what could be better than the freedom of going through life without feeling that people and circumstances control you without your permission?

ALMOND BREAD

100g. Almond flour
100g. Flour
5g. Baking powder
5g. Salt
226g. Butter
354g. Almond Filling (1 can)
125g. Brown sugar
20g. Dark Rum
4 whole eggs
Zest from 1/2 an orange

-Cream the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. About 10 minutes.
-Add your eggs, orange zest, rum and almond filling. Mix to combine all.
-Add your flour, almond flour, salt and baking powder. Mix until smooth.

Bake at 300° in a greased loaf pan for about 1 hour 15 minutes. Should be a golden color or the old standby, knife inserted into the bread comes out clean.

Other Killer Recipes 

Gluten Free Banana Bread in Collaboration with Vida Salveo 

Honey Walnut Bread

Blueberry Orange Quick Bread