Food

Maple Walnut Pie – good enough to share with friends. If you haven’t offended all of them already, like me.

walnut pie on counter with rolling pin

It is officially pie season.

When pie season comes around I like to load up. Over do it. Eat until I get sick. Start to feel a little better and then go back for more.

Pie has and always will be one of those things you sit and share with friends. Drink coffee and bullshit. And it always will as long as I’m alive.

Or if I still have friends.

Lately everyone has become so damn sensitive and complainers.

Yeah, I invited you over for pie because you’re fat. You like pie. That’s how you got fat. That’s what we had in common and that’s how we became friends. Don’t deny it and yourself. Get over here.

I had a friend from long ago find me on Facebook. I’ll call her Leah. Because that’s her name. The usual, “How are you? What have you been doing all these years?” Blah, blah, blah.

I was happy she hit me up because this girl was hilarious and we had a great time working together.

So I too asked her the same shit. When she hit’s me with, “My life is a mess. We’ll have to have coffee and I’ll fill you in.”

To which I responded, “I didn’t think it could get any worse. I would love to hear!”

Anyway, long story short. We’re not friends anymore.

To which I’m happy because, like I said, this girl was hilarious. Had I wasted a good Maple Walnut Pie on her hoping for some fun times and laughs. Only for her to piss and moan and be all complainy like. I would have been super pissed off!!!

Waste a good Maple Walnut Pie recipe and coffee on a whiner. Fuck that. If I want that shit I’ll pull a pie out of a box and go to Thanksgiving with my family. Which I did.

pie and coffee on counter with fork dessert pastry staged

This Maple Walnut Pie is for all you pecan pie lovers. Myself included.

Man, I love a pecan pie. Except those assholes that make it 90% pecans and 10% gooey filling. What’s that shit about?

If I wanted just pecans I’ll eat a bag of pecans. Why take the time to make it a pie?

Once again, another wonderful thing ruined by people.

My Maple Walnut Pie has the perfect balance of walnuts and gooey filling. The way Jesus intended. And the way pecan pie should be.

It has the right balance of sweetness and maple flavor that compliments the walnuts.

Now, I’m not trying to take away pecan pie in any way. Like I said, I love pecan pie. This pie is just a spin on pecan pie and could just become a pecan pie contender.

Judge for yourself.

For the maple syrup I use Mrs. Butterworth. Why? Because that bitch knows maple syrup and 200g of real maple syrup would cost me a fortune. I ain’t got that kind of money.

You may or may not use all the walnuts depending on how much you prefer filling.

You could always make two pies if you want to fill it with mostly walnuts. Just don’t invite me and sure as hell don’t tell people I told you to put that much in.

 

…anything that is not based on your experience, accept it only hypothetically. Don’t make it your belief. 

Maple Walnut Pie

For the pie crust –

Preferably, make your own pie crust with my recipe if you want the best results. –

Simple 3 ingredient pie dough recipe. Save the complications for your relationships so you’re sure to die alone. 

You could also be lazy and buy one. No judgement here.

For the filling –

200g Mrs. Butterworth
1 can condensed milk (385g)
50g melted butter
3 count eggs
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp vanilla
150g walnuts

-Of course, roll out and assemble your 9 inch pie shell. Add your walnuts and set aside.
-combine the remaining ingredients and whisk to combine. Strain into your pie shell with the walnuts and bake in preheated oven at 350 degrees for 45 minutes.

Makes one 9 inch pie

Bake at 350 for 45 minutes – of course check after 30 minutes because everyones oven is different. The pie should be a little puffy around the edges and a little wiggly in the middle. Soft to the touch but not mush or runny.

 

More tasty pie recipes you’ll love… 

No Bake Butterscotch Pumpkin Pie 

Fuck Off and Pie The apple pie that says what you really mean

Taggart’s Peanut Butter Pie

slice of pie on plate dessert pastry